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If sex continues to be painful for you, you can either try different angles or positions to reduce the discomfort and ask your partner to go slow when it comes to penetration.

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With the sari and the gown: All the times Kiara Advani flaunted off-shoulder style. From balloon to mutton sleeves: 6 times Anushka Sharma made a statement with dramatic sleeves.

Fashion tips for short and curvy women. This bride's soft pink lehenga is every girl's dream come true. In that moment I thought I understood what she said, or that I'd comprehended what she meant on a basic level but it wouldn't be until many years and eight partners later that I actually learned what her words meant.

Now, at almost a quarter century old, and after years of on and off celibacy that was sometimes unintentional the first time being for the next year after I lost my virginity , I've had lots of time to reflect on past situations and what I want for myself in the future.

I acknowledged her words as the truth for the first time when I began crying during a later sexual encounter with the eighth-grade boyfriend who was the reason I'd vengefully lost my virginity because of in the first place.

Although we had never really stopped having sex since we'd started in high school, I craved something deeper from someone deeper — intimacy and love — none of which could be found in the type of sex I was having with the men I was having it with.

And after all those years of sex with him, I finally realized how meaningless the sex still was. Since first having sex almost 12 years ago, I've lost myself in so many ways — from my peace of mind to my vulnerability and self-respect — at one point or another in my life.

And my aunt was right: with every new partner who turned out not to be "the one," I began to feel a little piece of my own soul evaporate.

However, in the name of not living a life filled with regret, I have to recognize that I have come such a long way, and I don't know that I would be where I'm at now without having had those experiences so young.

In a way, I feel relieved to have gone through this issue and faced the heartbreak and super deep-rooted insecurity that made these actions seem okay at the time.

Although I still struggle with everyday insecurities and my relationship with men, it's nothing as scary and self-destructive as having sex with a guy unworthy of my time or body just to make an ex jealous.

And I know better than to let a man take the best parts of me in that way again — something I wished I had realized sooner — and something I'm still learning to recognize where other parts of myself are concerned, too.

I'm back on my celibacy kick, and I'm completely satisfied in satisfying myself for the time being until I discover what it is that I'm missing or what I need.

I can't say how long this will last, but I'm in no rush to get back in the sack. I'm enjoying rebuilding myself and my soul to be whole again and open to love in ways that I never even knew that I could be.

I'm single , sexless, and at peace. The pain from losing your virginity is a scary thought,but there are steps you can take to make your first time a more comfortable, and even enjoyable experience.

For example, make sure to take it slow and engage in plenty of foreplay. You should also tell your partner if he needs to slow down or if you need a break.

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Learn why people trust wikiHow. Explore this Article parts. Tips and Warnings. Things You'll Need.

Related Articles. Article Summary. Part 1 of Make sure you are ready to have sex. Feeling nervous about your first time is normal.

If you feel tense when you think about sex or when you and your partner are fooling around, it might be a sign that you should wait. If you have sex when it doesn't feel right, you may enjoy sex less and become tense during the act.

A lot of people grow up being taught sex is shameful, should be reserved for marriage, and is only to be experienced between a man and a woman. Try talking to someone about your feelings.

It is normal to feel insecure or unconfident about your body. But if you are scared or cannot be naked because of how you look, it might be a sign that you're not quite ready to be with a partner.

Don't feel ashamed of your sexual preferences. Only you can decide who you're attracted to and what type of sex you want. Communicate with your partner.

Talking with your partner can establish trust while helping you feel more positive about having sex. A good partner should be considerate of your feelings and willing to help you through the process.

If your potential partner pressures you too much or makes you feel uncomfortable, reconsider having sex with them. Talk about birth control and protection before you have sex.

If they dismiss your feelings, it may be a sign that they do not take your concerns seriously. Find a trusted adult you can talk to. You might feel awkward discussing sex with an adult, but you should at least identify someone you can reach out to for help.

This could be a parent, a doctor, nurse, school counselor, or an older sibling. They can give you advice, answer your questions, and provide access to protection.

Even if you don't end up talking to them beforehand, you may want to have someone you could contact in case of emergency.

If you feel pressured to have sex, talk to a trusted adult for help. Remember that you never have to have sex unless you want to.

No one should pressure you into doing something you don't want to. Part 2 of Learn about how sex works. Understanding your own anatomy can help you feel more confident, especially if your partner is also a virgin.

Knowing what goes where, what's normal, and what to expect can help ease your anxiety. Some places you can look include Planned Parenthood , Sex, Etc.

Masturbation can help you understand what you enjoy when it comes to sex. Before having sex with a partner, try experimenting with yourself. Discover your hymen.

Contrary to popular belief, the hymen membrane does not usually cover the vaginal opening unless a condition exists such as a microperforate or septate hymen.

Rather than it being a "seal of freshness" like many say, it is instead the muscle and skin surrounding the opening, akin to the skin and muscle of the butthole.

It doesn't "break", but it can be damaged by anything from tampons, doing the splits, or when having sex or inserting larger objects in, which causes the pain most virgins feel.

If the hymen is damaged or torn, it will most likely bleed. This can be seen whilst and after sex. The amount of blood should not be nearly as much blood as if you were on your period.

Pain during sex is usually caused by friction. This can happen if you are not lubricated or aroused enough. Identify the angle of your vagina. If you can help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you'll avoid some potentially painful fumbling.

Most vaginas are angled with a forward tilt toward the belly. If you were standing, your vagina would be at a degree angle to the floor.

Try to recreate that same angle when you start penetrative sex. If you don't use tampons, insert a finger next time you're in the shower.

Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn't feel comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a point that's comfortable.

Locate your clitoris. Women rarely experience orgasm from penetration alone. Instead, clitoral stimulation usually causes them to orgasm.

Oral sex or clitoral stimulation before penetration can relax the muscles. Try to locate your clitoris before you have sex.

You can do this by masturbating or by looking with a mirror and a flashlight. This can help you guide your partner to it during sex, especially if your partner is also a virgin.

Orgasming before penetration may actually help reduce pain during sex. Try to engage in oral sex during foreplay and before penetration.

Your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with their fingers or a sex toy. Part 3 of Pick a stress-free location. If you're constantly worried about getting caught, you might not have much fun.

Make it easier on yourself and your partner by choosing a time and place where you won't be disturbed. Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie down on, and a time when you aren't worried about being on a schedule.

Think about whether you're more comfortable having sex at your place or theirs. If you're in a dorm or if you share a room, you might ask your roommate to give you some time alone that night.

Set a relaxing mood. Loosen up by making the atmosphere stress-free. Clean up any distracting clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or keep you from focusing on your partner.

Dim lighting, soft music, and a warm room temperature can help make you feel safe and comfortable. Consider taking some time to groom yourself beforehand so that you feel relaxed and confident.

Get consent. Make sure you and your partner have openly agreed to have sex. If you're not sure how your partner is feeling, ask before going forward.

Just because your partner doesn't say "no," it doesn't mean you have consent. If you do not want sex, they should back off when you say no.

Use condoms. Condoms protect against both pregnancy and sexually-transmitted infections STIs. Using protection may help you relax if you are nervous about getting pregnant or a disease.

Other forms of birth control do not protect against STIs, so a condom gives you an extra layer of protection. If your partner refuses to use a condom, you may want to reconsider having sex with them.

There are both male and female condoms available. The most important thing about condoms is that they fit. Partners should buy a few different types of condoms.

Try them on and see what fits best. If your partner has a latex allergy, nitrile condoms are a great alternative.

Condoms should be worn before, during, and after penetration. This will increase your protection against STIs and pregnancy.

Apply lubricant. Lubricant will ease a lot of the pain by reducing friction.

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Communicate your needs. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need in the moment. If something feels good, let your partner know. If something is causing you pain or discomfort, tell them.

They should be willing to do what it takes to make you feel pleasure instead of pain. For example, if you are on top of your partner, you can better control the speed and angle of penetration.

Do some aftercare. If you have pain or bleeding, deal with it before it becomes too overbearing. Take an over-the-counter pain reliever, clean up any blood, and wear a light pad for a few hours.

If you experience extreme pain, you need to talk to a trusted adult or see a health care provider. Laura Marusinec, MD.

You may not really be ready to have sex yet, or you may be scared. Think about if you are ready to have sex. Are you mature enough?

Are you feeling pressured to have sex? Do you really care about your partner and does he treat you well and really care about you? If you don't think you are ready yet, talk to your partner and ask him to wait until you are.

If you are ready and have a caring partner, then talk about why you may be scared. If you are worried about pregnancy or diseases, make sure you use condoms and go on birth control first.

If you are scared of pain, read the article for tips. Not Helpful 61 Helpful If you are going to have sex, the best way to prevent pregnancy is to start taking the pill or Depo shot at least a month or two before you have sex, AND use a condom as well every time.

If you take the pill, you have to make sure you take it when you are supposed to each day and not miss pills. And if you do the Depo shot, you have to get it when it's due, about every 3 months.

Not Helpful 68 Helpful I'm an older teen and a virgin, and I want to lose it fast because my friends been lost theirs when they were younger than me.

What should I do? Wait until you're actually ready to have sex. Don't feel pressured to lose it because your friends did.

Not Helpful Helpful I'm really scared that his "thing" will be really big and hurt me, but I really want to do "it. Try other activities to get to know his penis.

Men with longer than average penises are uncommon, so it's likely he is of normal length. Remember, your vagina is designed to birth a tiny human being, and a penis is much smaller than a baby.

If my partner is gentle and slow, will there still be pain? If so, how long will that last? There is discomfort during first time sex, but going at it gentle and slow will indeed make it easier.

There's discomfort, because your vagina is not used to stretching to accommodate a penis yet. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

As for duration, it should not be longer than a day or so and should not be excruciating. Not Helpful 38 Helpful Discharge is a vagina's natural cleaning system.

It is normal to produce a lot since everyone is different. Not Helpful 46 Helpful Tell him that it's okay, and that you trust him.

Promise to tell him if it hurts. Some women bleed a little, some women don't. If your sexual partner thinks you have to bleed or you're not a virgin, tell them to do some research.

They don't know what they're talking about. When I have sex, I feel like I'm going to need to go to the bathroom. Is there anything wrong with me?

No, this is a common feeling. Try urinating before sex. What is happening is he's putting pressure on your G Spot which causes that feeling.

You most likely won't urinate, but it's not uncommon to leak a little, which is perfectly fine. I'm experiencing a crampy pain in my abdominal area when I have sex with my partner.

Why is this occurring? If you are having deep, penetrative sex, then he is most likely hitting your cervix.

Tell him to move more gently and slowly and to not thrust as deeply to see if it improves. Not Helpful 57 Helpful Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

If you experience excruciating pain or heavy bleeding, see a doctor as soon as possible. Helpful 4 Not Helpful 4.

If you feel like tonight is not "the night," don't be ashamed to wait. A caring partner will value how you feel above anything else.

If you change your mind, it is okay to say so! Helpful 5 Not Helpful 0. You might get the urge to go to the toilet during sex. This is normal. Urinating before sex can alleviate this sensation.

If you still experience this with an empty bladder, you may be someone who can experience female ejaculation. Helpful 8 Not Helpful 2. Helpful 7 Not Helpful 1.

Make an appointment with a health clinic or gynecologist before you become sexually active. They will provide different birth control methods, teach you about STIs, and even give you condoms.

Helpful 2 Not Helpful 2. Always use a water based lubricant, not Vaseline, oil, moisturizer, or any kind of greasy substance. Oil-based lubricants can damage latex based condoms and cause irritation and pain, or a vaginal or yeast infection.

Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0. No one's first time is absolutely perfect, so leave your expectations at the door.

Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0. Use a condom even if you have another form of birth control. Hormonal birth control like the pill only prevents pregnancy, not STIs.

You can get an STI your first time. If you feel you are nervous, practicing foreplay is a good way to make you more comfortable with someone touching you.

It can make you more comfortable and confident with what you are doing. Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1. Don't give in to pressure from your partner.

It's your decision, not anyone else's. Helpful 76 Not Helpful Don't drink or take any kind of drug out of fear of pain. It could make it much worse.

Helpful 62 Not Helpful If your partner has had multiple partners, you should ask them to get tested for STIs.

STIs are spread through vaginal, anal, and oral sex. People can carry and pass on STIs without showing symptoms. You can decrease your chances of getting an STD by using condoms, dental dams, and other barrier methods.

Helpful 53 Not Helpful If you take birth control pills and are taking other medications such as antibiotics, this can sometimes alter the effects of the pill.

Always consult your doctor before starting any medications to see if there will be any negative interactions with your birth control. Helpful 42 Not Helpful It is possible to get pregnant the first time you have sex.

Condoms are highly effective when used correctly, but if possible, you should use another form of birth control along with a condom.

Helpful 45 Not Helpful Related wikiHows. About This Article. Co-authored by:. Co-authors: After some time, your body will become used to sex and every time you arouse, your otherwise inactive clitoris and uterus will go through these transformations and return to normal post the act.

But, this goes back to normal post sex and is only a temporal state. Vasocongestion is actually is the swelling of bodily tissues which is caused by increased vascular blood flow which leads to breast, nipples, labia and clitoris becoming enlarged.

During this sexual arousal, well-oxygenated blood is supplied to your genitals and breasts. As a result, the outer lips, inner lips and clitoris may begin to swell and your heart rate and blood pressure may also increase momentarily.

Yes, you read that right. This is actually one of the hidden yet truly amazing benefits of losing your virginity. When you have sex for the very first time, it may have a direct impact on the glow on your face-- especially if the act finished with an orgasm.

The logic is simple, when you have sex, it improves your blood circulation, which helps in pumping oxygen to your skin, giving it that heavenly, youthful glow.

Also, when you have sex, your brain releases happy hormones like Serotonin and Oxycontin, which help in cutting down the stress levels and make you feel relaxed.

The result? You get clearer-looking skin with a lit-from-within glow. The blood circulation around your nipples increases and the muscular tension increases making them tender than usual.

As a result, the feel-good hormone of your body, serotonin, gets secreted. Other than this, when you orgasm, it releases another hormone known as oxytocin, which makes you feel happy and relaxed.

Fret not, this is not a pregnancy alarm but rather your body's way of telling you that its going through changes. This is due to the hormonal changes and can make you feel extremes of either of the emotions.

Remember, everyone's first time is a different experience, but it is important to use protection to prevent pregnancy and STDs. When you have sex for the first time, it may hurt or feel uncomfortable, due to the lack of lubrication, owing to the friction.

If sex continues to be painful for you, you can either try different angles or positions to reduce the discomfort and ask your partner to go slow when it comes to penetration.

Always seek an expert advice if sex continues to remain painful. Please Click Here to subscribe other newsletters that may interest you, and you'll always find stories you want to read in your inbox.

Back to Top. Unfortunately, as grown as I thought I was, I wasn't mature enough for her message. In that moment I thought I understood what she said, or that I'd comprehended what she meant on a basic level but it wouldn't be until many years and eight partners later that I actually learned what her words meant.

Now, at almost a quarter century old, and after years of on and off celibacy that was sometimes unintentional the first time being for the next year after I lost my virginity , I've had lots of time to reflect on past situations and what I want for myself in the future.

I acknowledged her words as the truth for the first time when I began crying during a later sexual encounter with the eighth-grade boyfriend who was the reason I'd vengefully lost my virginity because of in the first place.

Although we had never really stopped having sex since we'd started in high school, I craved something deeper from someone deeper — intimacy and love — none of which could be found in the type of sex I was having with the men I was having it with.

And after all those years of sex with him, I finally realized how meaningless the sex still was. Since first having sex almost 12 years ago, I've lost myself in so many ways — from my peace of mind to my vulnerability and self-respect — at one point or another in my life.

And my aunt was right: with every new partner who turned out not to be "the one," I began to feel a little piece of my own soul evaporate.

However, in the name of not living a life filled with regret, I have to recognize that I have come such a long way, and I don't know that I would be where I'm at now without having had those experiences so young.

In a way, I feel relieved to have gone through this issue and faced the heartbreak and super deep-rooted insecurity that made these actions seem okay at the time.

Although I still struggle with everyday insecurities and my relationship with men, it's nothing as scary and self-destructive as having sex with a guy unworthy of my time or body just to make an ex jealous.

And I know better than to let a man take the best parts of me in that way again — something I wished I had realized sooner — and something I'm still learning to recognize where other parts of myself are concerned, too.

I'm back on my celibacy kick, and I'm completely satisfied in satisfying myself for the time being until I discover what it is that I'm missing or what I need.

I can't say how long this will last, but I'm in no rush to get back in the sack. I'm enjoying rebuilding myself and my soul to be whole again and open to love in ways that I never even knew that I could be.

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